The Holmes Translator
by Tal Leonard
Summary: Practically self explanatory. A translation of what is really being said between the Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes through their text and phone conversations.


HOLMES TRANSLATOR

Mycroft and Sherlock have a "difficult relationship." In the time that they had known them neither Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, or even John Watson had seen them so much as shake hands. Dr. Watson sees it as sibling rivalry albeit a rather extreme strain but he's not exactly close with his sister so nothing really too bad about it. Mrs. Hudson scolds the both of them and shakes her head at their quarreling. Lestrade knows that there's a level of affection between them but assumes it is more of a tolerant family connection rather than the caring level he sees in normal families.

Not a one would believe it if you told them that the Holmes after going through therapy as children had a team of therapists and psychologists practically beg their parents to have them separated to break as they termed it their "abnormal bond."

The two most brilliant little boys who could know anyone with a glance, speak without saying a word, and were at once the oldest and youngest souls you could ever meet. Such a strange two. Do you really think it possible that with no other like them in world they wouldn't have a care for the only other who could understand them?

Take a look below and see what you think.

TEXT

SH. Hello Brother Bit of trouble but I'm still alive.

MH. Goodevening Brother Glad to hear it. Do you want to talk?

SH. Good day Big Brother Not today. I love you.

MH. Goodevening Little Brother. Very well. I love you too.

SH. Hello. Extremely bored. Be interesting.

MH. Sherlock. I'm busy with no time for entertaining you.

SH. What are you doing? So bored I'm willing to take a case from you.

MH. Politics. Amusing but apologies I have no cases only paperwork.

SH. Bye Mycroft. Found something interesting. Will check in later.

MH. Take care. Don't do anything unnecessarily dangerous.

SH. Brother? You might be displeased but I have to inform you.

MH. Yes? What have you done this time?

SH. Trouble warning. I've done something that will jeopardize your career.

MH. Yes? I repeat, what have you done this time?

SH. Brother. Really messed up but we're family you can't kill me.

MH. Sherlock Emile. Our continued relation depends on the level of my displeasure

following an explanation of what is messed up.

SH. Skylights. I blew up the roof of an important building. . .more than once.

MH. Where? How much is this going to cost me?

SH. What if I said the eagles left? American Embassy. They're angry, insulted, and rushing for the

flights to JFK.

MH. One month. If you show your face in the next month I will have you hunted

and locked in isolation for a year.

SH. Brother? Am I disowned?

MH. One month. I haven't decided yet just stay out of my reach.

SH. Have a good day. What if I said I'm sorry?

MH. Good day. I have to work. Stay out of my sight.

SH. Brother? It's been a month. Have you decided?

MH. Dinner. Estate. 6.00. We need to discuss your punishment.

SH. Brother? Does that mean we're family and you won't kill me?

MH. See you soon, Brother dear. That depends on your attendance and cooperation.

SH. My. I don't feel good.

MH. John? Why don't you tell the doctor you live with?

SH. Occupied. He's at his girlfriend's and turned his phone off.

MH. Busy week. Do you require my attention or will you settle for Anthea?

SH. My. I want you to come.

MH. 10. I'll be there as fast I can.

SH. Hungry. Will you make me the soup?

MH. Right. I'll pick some up.

SH. My? Are you almost here?

MH. Book. Just lie down. I'm on my way and I got your storybook.

CALL

SH- Turn off the cameras. If you're going to watch me at least do it personally.

MH- I could stop by. Are you missing me?

SH- You're funny. I wouldn't mind a words spar.

MH- You're cute. More than happy to oblige.

SH- Are you allowed to say that? I may be cute but don't say it.

MH- I make the rules. If you do as you like so can I.

SH- Big Brother. Shouldn't you be setting a good example?

MH- I try baby brother. Even when I do it doesn't help your behavior.

SH- Baby? I'm an adult in case you hadn't noticed.

MH- Eldest privilege my darling boy. Age does not equal maturity.

SH- What country did you invade? You're really cheery. Should I be worried?

MH- No invasion. I had a good day. Only if you're afraid of losing a battle of wits.

SH- Perfect. I'm going to hide.

MH- I'm five minutes away. Hide and seek?

SH- We'll have to reschedule. Your cheeriness is alarming. I'm rethinking this visit.

MH- Hello Brother. Come out and face your defeat.

SH- How fast can you get here? Running into walls and I need your mind.

MH- Should I bring Anthea? Is this just puzzles or will we need fighters?

SH- Not sure. John's working. Brain work first and we'll call them if we need to.

MH- Right, on the way. Lay everything out and I'll be there soon.

SH- Why do you keep calling me? I'm not feeling brotherly today.

MH- Mind your attitude Sherlock. This isn't family business it's a work call.

SH- Don't you have minions? Not interested. Go bother someone else.

MH- I have employees who are It's not up for debate and I can see you so I know you

working while you are lying on aren't too busy to help.

a couch.

SH- Isn't stalking a law? Don't you have anything better to do?

MH- I have a good position. Moody today?

SH- I thought you had a minor Shut up.

position.

MH- Attitude and it's enough to Very moody. Just remember I can track you as well as watch

keep up with you. you.

SH- What? Talk fast before I hang up.

MH- There's a file under the door. Read the file and I expect a quick return.

SH- FINE. I'm done talking.

SH- How's your day Brother? I need a small favor.

MH- Going well and how are you? What can I do? Ask away.

SH- I'm standing outside a film set I need to get inside and I can't play pretend thanks to my

in Reading. Blogger.

MH- I assume you want to be inside. I'll make a call just don't do anything to embarrass me.

SH- I'll be on my best behavior. I need these people to talk.

MH- Is Doctor Watson with you? You need a sitter.

SH- He's a little distracted. There's a lot of pretty actresses I don't think John's going to be

much help.

MH- Fantastic. Instead of one problem I now have two.

SH- Pass? Are you going to let me in?

MH- Very well but do try to stay off Against my better judgment, yes. Whatever trouble you get into

the news. keep my name out of it.

SH- Don't you like having a famous I thought we were getting along for a minute there.

brother?

MH- I like it very much. I only want You know my caring for you. Still you are my younger brother.

to make sure that the mobs of

fangirls don't stalk you.

SH- Mycroft, I didn't realize you Caring or possessive issue?

were such a jealous enemy.

MH- Well I only have one brother. Who says I can't be both?

SH- Big Brother: stalking and How come I'm the Sociopath?

controlling since 1983.

MH- I tried to teach you but you I learned how to hide my flaws.

insist on being independent.

SH- Full suits don't work for me. You're my brother but I don't want to be you.

MH- Well this was a lovely chat. Do I'd love to continue besting you in this spar but I have to work.

try to enjoy yourself. Finish the last round another time?

SH- The guard's here anyway. I always have fun on cases and the continuation goes without

Have fun with the deskwork. saying. I do have to finish beating you after all.

MH- Goodbye dear Sherlock. You weren't winning.

SH- Goodnight Mycroft my brother. I was winning and I have the last word.

MH- Hello Little Brother. I really need to see you.

SH- Feeling sentimental? What's wrong?

MH- I haven't seen you in over A bad week. I need to talk before I snap at someone.

three months.

SH- My experiment just failed. I'll be home and I got time.

MH- See you soon. Thank you.


End file.
